My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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