Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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