Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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