3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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