So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize