all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
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I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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