i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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