you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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