I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
