It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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