U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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