I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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