i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
