Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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