Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
