I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
