i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
