Is it normal to miss your booty call?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
