i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
