Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
