Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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