Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
why is half of my head shaved?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
