I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
