All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
