Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
COCAINE IS GR8
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
