she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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