Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
