What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
