I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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