Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
