a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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