i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
