We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
