I CAN MOONWALK!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We had to coat check the pizza.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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