but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
