I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
