Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize