not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
