i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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