He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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