even my farts smell like vagina
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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