k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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