So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
