Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
