I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
