i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
