just survived the first fart of the relationship.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
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Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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