I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Let's paint friendship bongs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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