He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
