1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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