fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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