Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
