capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
