If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize