i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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