Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
