I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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