and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize