peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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