I puked a lego.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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