He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
