He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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