I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
