six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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