Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
