dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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