I hate all girls vehemently.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
