I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Girls should come with a carfax report
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
