Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sorry about my life...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
