I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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