when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
