what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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