i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
