holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
