i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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