I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
