i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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