Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
