I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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